


Uncomfortable Truth

by dcjuris



Series: Being Human [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Human Castiel, M/M, Multi, PTSD, established wincest, mentioned Wincestiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 03:00:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19098406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dcjuris/pseuds/dcjuris
Summary: Sam's not ready to completely share Dean with Cas. (These works are not in any order at all, other than the way they come to me.)





	Uncomfortable Truth

"May I sleep with you and Dean tonight?"

Sam looks up at Cas, into those baby blue eyes he loves, and it should be an easy decision. But it's not, because he's not just deciding for himself. He's deciding for Dean.

Dean's been off the last couple days. The signs are subtle—anyone not versed in Dean Winchester 101 wouldn't even notice them. Cas hasn't noticed them. But Sam has. Sam knows Dean's headed for a difficult night.

These days, lying is a luxury the Winchesters can't afford. It's odd to realize that, since there's no impending Apocalypse, and the biggest decision they make on any given day is Netflix or Hulu. "I don't think it's a good idea tonight. Dean's not feeling well."

Cas nods and chews on his bottom lip. "When I was an angel, I could've healed him."

"But you're not anymore and you can't."

"I might be able to help."

And the truth is, he might. For all his cluelessness about life and being Human in general, Cas has actually become really good at managing emotions. He can certainly identify with almost everything they've been through. And Sam knows he'd do anything for Dean. But Dean's not going to let him. "You might. But I can't let you try, because Dean's not gonna have it and it'll make things worse. It won't be your fault, but…"

Cas frowns.

There's more to it, of course. There always is with the Winchesters. Honesty, Sam reminds himself. "I'm Dean's light in the dark. I'm Dean's anchor. I'm Dean's…" He huffs. "I’m _Dean's_. I can share his body with you, and even his heart. But I can't share this. Not yet. Maybe never."

"But why?"

"Because if I'm not Dean's, then I don't know what I am."

Cas shakes his head. "You'd still be his. You've always been and always will be."

"Not in the same way. Cas, Dean raised me. At four he became brother, father, mother—everything. The only thing I have to give him in return for that is my knowledge of him. I _know_ him. I can _read_ him. I can anticipate his needs better than my own. I'm not ready to share that with anyone. Not even you. So…no. I'm sorry."

And he really is. He knows how fucked up this feeling is—knows it's not healthy or rational. But since when have the Winchesters ever been healthy or rational?

Cas nods. "I think I understand. There were other angels who could've been charged with overseeing the two of you. But I was the one who pulled Dean out of Hell. I felt like personally watching over him was necessary. It had to be me."

Sam nods. He knows that feeling well. "I'm not saying it'll always be like this, Cas. I promise I'm not. But this whole thing"—he gestures between them and around the Bunker—"no danger, playing house, being able to just…live? This is all new for us. It's only been a few months. Dean needs time. _I_ need time."

"When I was an angel, I wasn't really aware of the passage of time." Cas shrugs. "A month, a year, even ten, it's all inconsequential when you're thousands of years old. It's very different now. Everything seems sudden and routine all at once."

"Sam?"

Sam turns to find Dean standing out in the hall.

"You comin'?" There's a slight tremor in his hand when he raises it to thumb back over his shoulder.

"Yeah. I'll be right there."

Cas looks back and forth between them. He gives Sam a nod. "I'll see you in the morning, then. Good night, Sam. Good night, Dean."

Sam catches up with Dean down the hall.

"He's not comin?"

"Nah. I kinda wanted you all to myself tonight."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Is that okay?"

Dean smiles softly. "Yeah, that's okay."

 

Hours later, Dean's bolted up from his fourth nightmare, sweat-drenched and terrified, trying to curl himself into a ball to escape his own mind, keeping Sam at bay with an outstretched hand and an urgent, repetitive snarl of "Don't touch me!"

And Sam knows he made the right decision.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm also a published author. If you like my writing style, check out my published works on Amazon by searching "DC Juris" - that's me. :-)


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